


One Normal Christmas

by lola381pce



Series: Imagine Clint Coulson Prompts [21]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Animated Christmas Trees and Gingerbread People, Chilli Hot Chocolate, Christmas Decorations, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Lights, Christmas Movies, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Eggnog French Toast, Enchanted Baubles, Even JARVIS Knows, Hulk Smashes Balls, ICC Holiday Special 2k17, Imagine ClintCoulson, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Seasonal Shenanigans, Tumblr: imagineclintcoulson, You Know Nothing Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 13:16:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13100949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lola381pce/pseuds/lola381pce
Summary: For the ICC Holiday Special 2k17, Day 21 prompt: “One normal Christmas, that’s all I wanted.”





	One Normal Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> We are always accepting new prompts at our tumblr account, so feel free to drop by with a little headcanon or ask.

“One normal Christmas, that’s all I wanted,” Agent Coulson huffed, ducking as another Christmas tree decoration flew straight at his head. It shattered on the wall behind him with an R2D2 squeal of surprise just before it struck.

“Aww c’mon, boss!” Hawkeye said with a grin, shooting three more out of the sky that were aiming for the Black Widow. She inclined her head and nodded her thanks before returning to help Captain America wrestle the string of lights that had wrapped itself around his legs hugging him tight like a boa constrictor. “You know you love his weird shit!”

“It’s Christmas Eve, Hawkeye. It’s snowing. It’s cold. Pretty sure I’d rather be at home with chilli hot chocolate, eating eggnog French toast, watching a Christmas movie.”

“ _Long Kiss Goodnight_?”

“What else?” Coulson said approvingly. Over the years, it had become a weird Strike Team Delta tradition when they were together…. and even when they weren’t.

“Is this not customary for a Midgardian festival of good cheer, Son of Coul?” Thor asked booming with laughter as a line of havoc-wreaking gingerbread people exploded into crumbs thanks to a lightning bolt from Mjolnir. “I am much reminded of feasts with Lady Sif and the Warriors Three when magic and mischief are plentiful. ‘Tis truly a most wonderful time of the year!”

“HULK SMASH BALLS!” Hulk roared in agreement, punching several huge baubles out of the air. He had a weird smile on his face which was also giving Coulson cause for concern. And the beginnings of a headache. Anything that made the scientist look _that_ happy when he transformed into the Hulk was bound to make Coulson uneasy and right now he seemed to be enjoying this way too much.

“Long as it’s your own balls, Big Green Rage Monster, I’m all for it,” Iron Man told him flying in to join the fray. “So, Agent Agent, this a singles event? Or do you have a special someone to share this perfect evening with?”

“Iron Man!” Coulson called out in warning.

Completely missing the urgency in the SHIELD Agent’s tone, Stark babbled on. “Much as I understand your desire, and I  _do_  understand your desire, to spend an evening with me, hot chocolate and eggnog French toast… honestly? Doesn’t float my ice cream, G-man.”

“On your six, Iron Man” Coulson barked. “Behind you,” he amended when the oblivious Avenger remained hovering in mid-air apparently ignoring the fact there were several enchanted baubles heading right for him. Coulson rolled his eyes. “DUCK!”

With a yelp, Iron Man ducked and Coulson took them all out then changed his magazine in one fluid movement.

“That was actually kinda hot, Agent,” Iron Man told him, grateful and maybe just a little impressed. “Seriously making me think about changing my mind on the whole eggnog and couch canoodling thing.”

“I’d rather you gave Cap and Widow some cover while they give those candy canes a thrashing,” Coulson told him ignoring his comments.

“Kinky! And good to know for our date,” Iron Man responded, heading towards the duo as they played Jedi Knights in the snow with the oversized red and white striped confectionary. “I’ll bring the cuffs.”

“Not that I remember extending an invite but… no need. I have my own,” Coulson deadpanned. “Right now? Maybe a little less discussion about my preferred night in and more dedication to our current night out.”

“Yeah,” agreed Hawkeye. “Let’s make like Macy’s an’ get things wrapped up. I wanna get goin’ before this thing grows arms an’ legs.”

Hawkeye’s timing was either incredibly good or atrociously bad. Moments after he spoke the 65 feet high Rockefeller Norway spruce began to sprout the aforementioned limbs and raise itself out of its giant pot. It yanked ropes of Christmas lights and ornaments from its branches throwing them at the Avengers and SHIELD agents nearby.

“Ruh-roh!” said Iron Man, dodging out of its way.

“Aw, tree no,” groaned Hawkeye. How had  _that_  happened?

“Focus Avengers!” Coulson ordered in that clipped don’t-fuck-with-me tone of his. Clint did his best not to react at the note of command in his voice but try as he might, he couldn’t stop the full body shudder that rolled down his spine. He desperately hoped nobody noticed but if they did he figured he could put it down to being cold. Probably.

“Quiet on comms unless you have anything to report that can help rather than hinder. Hulk? Why don’t you…”

‘… _take a step back and let’s see where this thing goes_ ’ would have been Coulson’s next words however before he could get them out, Hulk bellowed a challenge at the tree and began to charge towards it.

The spruce angrily shook its branches in response dropping snow on Cap and Widow and everyone else in the vicinity and launched itself at the Hulk.

The contact between them was explosive. Spruce needles, broken branches and clumps of snow flew into the air. The dull crunch of breaking bulbs and sounds of snapping tree limbs echoed through the Plaza accompanied by roars and snarls from the Hulk who was currently straddling the evergreen to pummel it into submission. It wasn’t all going his way, however. Branches whipped back and forth across his face and body as the pair rolled around the skating rink and onto the sidewalk. Coulson winced when he heard the ice crack below them.

“Huh! This AAR’s going to be a fun read,” he muttered, cautiously making his way towards Captain America and the Black Widow being hauled out of the snow. “And probably cause me to have a random drug screen.”

“On the upside, it’s a real Christmas-y fragrance,” Hawkeye said, taking a deep breath of fresh tree sap, candy and smouldering gingerbread while he surveyed the damage from his vantage point.

“Coulson! On your three o’clock. In the doorway of the Centre. There’s a guy an’ he doesn’t seem scared. In fact, I’d say he’s probably our source of this year’s seasonal shenanigans.”

“How can you tell?”

“Uhh, call it a gut feeling, boss but I think it has something to do with the way he’s dressed as an elf an’ jumping up an’ down, clapping his hands an’ laughing like a festive Bond villain. Oh, an’ he just pointed at a blow-up Rudolph that’s come to life an’ now looks like it wants to bite Thor’s ass!”

“Hey! I want to bite Point Break’s ass and I’m no villain,” said Iron Man. “And for the record, blow-up reindeer, not so kinky.”

Coulson didn’t roll his eyes… but only because this time, the way things are going, he figured they’ll fall out of his head and into the snow. He did do a mental facepalm, however.

“Copy that, Hawkeye.”

Coulson directed two teams to the doorway Hawkeye was talking about and sure enough, a few minutes later when the Bond villain elf was safely in custody, trussed up like a Christmas turkey in the back of a SHIELD vehicle, there were no further incidents and everything that had been enchanted returned to its inanimate state. Much to everyone’s relief. All that was left was a giant clean-up operation and Sitwell with his crew could handle that. Ho-ho-ho!

***

“D’you think Agent and Legolas will be okay by themselves?” Stark asked the room. He genuinely cared for his team-mates and loved having them all together. Even if they were just bickering like kids. Or playing slapsies like kids. When no-one answered him, he continued anyway, mostly to himself.

“I mean, I’m not worried… exactly, but hot chocolate, Christmas movies and eggnog French toast seem… I don’t know… dull. And Katniss slunk off without a by-your-leave so who knows what he’s up to. Maybe we should go round ‘em up. Bring ‘em here.”

Natasha paused in her hand slapping game with Steve, egged on by Thor and Bruce who was keeping count, to give Tony a knowing smirk. “No, Дорогой (dear). I think they’ll be unwrapping each other like Christmas presents right about now.”

“What now?” Tony spluttered, choking on a mouthful of beer.

“I said I think they’ll be unwrapping each other’s Christmas presents right about now.”

“Uhhh… no. No, you didn’t,” he insisted. “Pretty sure you said unwrapping each other like Christmas presents.”

“Really, Tony?” Natasha purred. “I can’t imagine why I would say that.”

Stark’s jaw dropped as his eyebrows raised, quickly followed by a filthy grin. “Agent? And Robin Hood?  _Really_? Why did I not know that?”

Steve gave him a sad look and said with a disappointed note to his voice, “Ah, Tony. How could you not? Everyone else does.”

“JARVIS?” asked Tony, taking a quick survey of the room. Everyone from Bruce to Pepper who had an annoyingly smug look on her face, nodded.

“Even me, Sir,” JARVIS admitted sounding every bit as smug as Pepper looked.

Annoyed with himself that he’d missed something so  _huge_ , Tony tried to deflect from being the odd one out. “Don’t try to SHIELD Husband shame me, Capsicle. Phlint. BowTie. Clint/Coulson. They need to have a name. Has anyone given them a name yet?”

***

“Gonna unwrap you like a Christmas present,” Phil murmured against Clint’s lips, his hands exploring the muscles of Clint’s body.

He shivered beneath Phil’s touch. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“The way that I unwrap ‘em or the way you do?”

Phil smiled. Contrary to popular belief, he wasn’t the neat freak everyone thought he was. Clint was actually the tidier of the two at home. Shocker! And when it came to opening gifts, sure Phil would admire the way it was wrapped - the paper, pretty bows and ribbon - before transforming into an over-excited five-year-old, ripping it all off as quickly as he could to “oooh” and “aaah” over the gift below.

Clint, on the other hand, took his time, meticulously peeling off the tape and removing the wrapping paper oh so carefully without tearing it, folding it neatly and carefully setting it aside. It was a throwback to being a kid when wrapping paper was at a premium, used year after year both at home and at the orphanage. That’s when there were enough presents to go round.

Phil dropped his hands to the hem of Clint’s t-shirt, his fingertips brushing against the warm skin underneath making the muscles of his stomach ripple and dance.

“Slowly. And carefully,” he said. “Until you’re begging me to… Let. You. Come.” He punctuated each word with a gentle nip of Clint’s neck.

Clint let out a breathy sigh relaxing into Phil’s hands. “I can get behind that. Have at it, sexy an’ Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Clint. Love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's the last story from me for 2017. I hope you've enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. Thank you for dropping by and spending some time with me and the boys. And to those of you who've left kudos and comments, I really appreciate you taking the time. 
> 
> Hopefully see you again in the new year. Best wishes for the festive season ~ Lola x


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